As it does every year... Summer must end. It was a wonderful end, though. After our family reunion we flew back to Utah with two nieces and a nephew. We got to spend time playing, swimming, and enjoying kid time! The kids stayed at my parents house, but since that is only 10 minutes away we still got to spend a lot of time together. Jeremy and I took the two older ones to see The Minion Movie, taught them to play chess, and filled them up on candy before returning them to grandma. Yeah, we know how to do this aunt and uncle thing. But, eventually they had to go home. But not before coming to our house, playing with the kitties and getting to ride the 50. They were so excited to ride it and it was so much fun to see my nephew get a feel for it this year. I have a feeling my dad will end up with an Arsenal of small dirt bikes just for when the grandkids come to visit.
Things then began to settle for a couple weeks before we went back to school. During that time I did a good deep clean on our house and finally got to do some yard work, just in time to renew our home study. The renewal is definitely much less stressful than the first time we did it. I think mostly because we already knew what they were looking for. And we already had a relationship with our social worker. But, it went well and we are set for another year.
It is always so interesting to talk to people about our journey. Of course, we inevitably get asked if we have considered fertility treatments and why we chose not to do them, etc, etc, but I just tell them that we spent plenty of time pondering our options, and praying over them, and feel completely sure in our choice. We know that adoption is the route we will go this time around and perhaps every time around. And people are always so shocked that I am not upset or completely devastated with that decision. If anything I am happy, excited, and very much looking forward to it. I just know that it is the path for us. My mom is always so happy when I say that I am not upset about someone else getting pregnant because that is not my path. I recently read a BYU devotional from the 70s all about how we all have different paths. We all have different trials and struggles. And I have always beloved and this article confirmed that I was aware of the struggles I would experience before I even came to this world. I knew what was in store. I may not have fully understood the emotional aspect, but I knew that infertility and adoption would be part of my journey. And I agreed to it. Which means that there is absolutely no reason to be jealous or upset or anything else when I knew this would be my path. And especially when I know that both Jeremy and I have been promised parenthood. And perhaps it won't be in this life, but so be it. Whatever Heavenly Father has planned is what should be. He knows better than me what life has in stores. Plus, I get to spend every day shaping and molding the next generation. I get to put that maternal instinct into action daily.
Speaking of teaching, we are now back in school and to midterm for the first quarter. I can't believe the time has flown by so quickly. This year has been very interesting. It is this crazy mix of good and insanity. What I have found is that I am struggling to really develop a bond with the students like I have in the past. There are a few that I have, but I feel very distant from most of the and I don't know why. I have noticed that this group is higher academically than my previous group, but it seems that while they are academically higher, they aren't able to joke around as much. Perhaps they just need some maturing time, but it has made this an interesting beginning to the year. I also have some more difficult resource and behavioral students who have really pushed me at the beginning of this year. We are starting, though, to get into a groove and they are figuring out that I am not able to be manipulated. That is not to say that these students are horrible people, but they are incredibly intelligent. Intelligent enough to figure out how to get out of things they don't want to do, but that is just not something I want to let happen. Now, for their accommodations through an IEP, I will adjust the sign meant or allow them to complete it in an alternate way, but I still want them to learn.
I am also working an extended contract this year, which means that I teach all 7 class periods, plus study hall. So then I have to work an extra 45 minutes before or after school to make up that prep time that I miss. And I don't tend to have a lack of things to do. It makes the days go by fast and does not allow me the time to sit and think about negative things. So all of a sudden it has been a year on our adoption, or my little brother's baby is due in less than a month and I can't even remember where the time has gone, but it is a bit of a blessing in disguise because I don't have time to obsess over the things I don't have. And then I have parent/teacher conferences and hear that my class is a favorite and how many students come home asking questions, and wanting to know more. They are asking for book recommendations because their child wants to keep learning. It's in that moment that I realized I have succeeded, even in the smallest way. If the only thing a students gets when they leave my classroom is a deeper desire to learn, then I have done my job. So, then, I just keep pushing forward, and finding new and better ways to entice students to want to learn.
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