Starting up again

I guess it's about time that I start this up again.  It's been a few years... my how things seem to slip away... especially time.  So much has happened!  I am now teaching, and about to finish my second year.  Jeremy has one more year left in his Bachelor's program, and life is moving forward!  We have really enjoyed our time here in Logan and are making the most of it.  We were sealed in 2011 and have spent time together traveling and just riding!

And to the elephant in the room.  We are still infertile!  I guess that isn't really something that goes away, but something that you wish would get off your mind sometimes.  For me, the hard part has never been that I might not get pregnant.  That was never really a part of any of it in my mind.  I never really felt like that was the most important thing in life, or in the process of having children.  The motherhood part has always been the goal.  Throughout it all, the hardest part has been not knowing when I will be a mother.  I know that there are many ways to be a mother and that I partially do that in my classroom, with the 3 year olds I teach at church, with my nieces and nephews, but there is still that innate desire to have children of my own.  I have tried to find ways over the last 4+ years of trying and 8 months of waiting on adoption to keep my spirits up and remember that there is definitely a plan in all of this.  I totally feel like I'm rambling, but sometimes ya just need to ramble.  It is crazy to think that in the time that Jeremy and I have been trying to have kids, I have had two nieces and two nephews come into the world, as well as the announcement of another this October.  And countless friends and extended family having kids.  I didn't keep count (probably because it would have driven me insane), but I have never really been truly upset about that.  Their path is different than mine.  There are times where it is more difficult, probably due to hormones, but, in general, everything is good.  Even with the announcement of the newest addition from my little brother and his wife, I am truly not upset.  If anything, I am extremely excited because it is another baby I get to spoil and love on!

I think the part that is getting to me a little is that it has been "hurry up and wait" through the whole process.  I try to be patient, but there are time when it just gets to you!  That's part of the reason why I try to keep busy because then I don't have time to think about it all.  I really do know that there is a plan and that I will be a mother.  I am just so excited (and slightly anxious) about it that sometimes I can't contain it!  Patience, patience, patience......  I CAN DO THIS!!! IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT IN THE END!!!